Images in my Head

In the fifth grade, I began experiencing intrusive thoughts and images. This was definitely the worst time of my Elementary years.

I would be sitting in the middle of class, working on my homework, when unexpectedly my thoughts would drift into nightmare territory. I would see images of my family dying. These images played in my head like a movie, and they were often graphic and disturbing.

They were thoughts I was uncomfortable with having, and I remember having to stop doing my homework, and conjure up a blank screen in my mind with the words “never would happen” on the screen. My brain seemed to want to taunt me, and would replace the words with “would happen” and I would have an internal battle to have the last word with myself. In order for me to dispel the anxiety and get rid of the uncomfortable images, the last thing I had to see in my head was the words “never would happen” and I would continue the struggle until this was the last thing I saw so that I could continue my day in peace. Every day I probably spent hours doing this. It’s a wonder I ever got anything done.

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