Thoughts on Suicide

Suicide. It seems like everyone has an opinion about it. “People who commit suicide are weak.” “Committing suicide is selfish.” “They’re just doing it for attention.” And, finally, paraphrasing from one of my ex-friends, “Ending your life because of bullying or whatever is stupid. I don’t feel any sympathy for people who kill themselves. They need to toughen up.”

Know what I feel when I hear that someone’s tried to kill themselves? SAD. I feel sad for them. Because I know how much pain you have to be in to want to end it all, and I feel terrible that someone is going through that pain.

A lot of people say that suicide is selfish, because it causes others pain. When you are in that dark of a place, the darkness convinces you that everyone will be better off without you. To the person with suicidal thoughts, suicide feels unselfish. And you are suffering so much that it feels like the right choice – and the only choice to escape the pain.

To the people that say suicide attempts are just for attention, you realize that when you are successful you are gone, right? As in, not around to see any attention you might receive. When people are thinking of committing suicide, they are thinking of ending the pain – it’s a last resort. They’re beyond caring what others think, and beyond trying to “get attention.” And let’s say someone does attempt suicide for attention, not planning on going through with it – imagine how much they must be suffering to think that that is their only way to receive help?

This January 2017 I found myself in the hospital following an intentional overdose on my medication. I felt like I had a million reasons to be gone from this earth. It was an impulsive decision, and almost immediately after I regretted it, and was throwing up in the toilet and contacting my friends to take me to the hospital.
You might be expecting me to tell you that I’ve seen the light and decided death is not for me, but even today I still find myself plagued with these thoughts, just slightly more hesitant to do anything about them.

This post is not advocating for suicide. When I’m not in the darkest of places, I know that there will always be a better tomorrow and to keep fighting, and I encourage everyone to continue fighting. However, I also encourage others not to judge people for wanting to die, or attempting suicide. Because until you’ve been there, even if you think you have, unless you ARE them, you don’t know how much pain they are in. To anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts, continue fighting. Today won’t last forever. And tomorrow could be the day you’ve been waiting for.

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