And I Can’t Have Them

So sick
of the wisps and smoke
tears and jokes

insincere, and can’t you hear

the walls they break
when you push them hard
leaving only dust and scars

And I can’t have them
can’t have them
I can’t have them
can’t have them

So sick
of the glassy lake
murky water, warmth is fake

So sick of the huddled trees
so sick,
so sick

And I do wonder
why
they even cared at all

to tell me how
they must go

Friendly eyes
I’ll never know

Or why I cared at all

Why did I care at all

And I can’t have them
can’t have them
I can’t have them
can’t have them

Cheery faces
They look so nice
Hiding places
My only vice

Lovely sounds
Come from their eyes
I hear them but
They don’t realize

Silence, silence
so sick of silence
so I make up these sounds
in my head

Nurturing voices
Tear my heart
Demons or people
who pretends with different parts?

And I can’t have them
can’t have them
I can’t have them
can’t have them

But don’t despair
I tell myself
These are only people
Not my health,

Not my mind
Not my heart
Not my soul
Not mine

And I’m not theirs

And I can’t have them
can’t have them
I can’t have them
can’t have them
No I can’t have them,
can’t have them
But they also can’t have me

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