Lonely When Not Alone

Do you ever get the sense that when you’re hanging out with someone, even as they nod and smile and answer your questions, they don’t really want you there? They are acknowledging you, but they seem lost in their own world and when they do respond to you it’s only with brief sentences?

Or alternatively, have you ever been at a party or with a group, and it seems like everyone has someone to talk to but you? Everyone’s paired off or in threes and you just get the sense that if you join one of these groups you’d be unwelcome?

And then, you start to feel something you never thought you’d feel when in the presence of others – alone.

Right now I feel this way. I’m at a friend’s house. And my friend…it’s like they’re here but not really. They’re walking around, doing their own thing, talking to their roommates and…not me.

I came here to avoid feeling lonely. But if you feel lonely when not alone, how do you escape these feelings?

I feel like I might cry. I wonder if I should just leave. But then I probably actually would cry, and regret leaving, regret the chance I left behind, the possibility that eventually I might engage in some satisfying interaction. So I’m stuck between wanting to leave and wanting to stay.

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3 thoughts on “Lonely When Not Alone

  1. Veronica M. says:

    Oh yes, I’ve definitely felt like that before…I have a feeling that’s partially why I can get social anxiety, because I’ve felt so unwelcome/uncomfortable in certain social settings before. I’m so sorry girl! I don’t understand why people do this to others, and it really does hurt. 😦 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. blue says:

    It does hurt, doesn’t it? You just get the sense that you don’t matter to this person at all. But hopefully you tend to find out later that they were just having a bad day, or distracted, or something like that. But sometimes, unfortunately, they really just don’t care. A while after I wrote this post things got better between me and this person and I found out that they were just distracted and stressed, and had no idea how I was interpreting their behaviour. It’s nice when that happens, and everything is okay after, but I have also had those times where you find out that they just don’t want you around. Having experienced both outcomes, I am always nervous that when friends act off it’s because they are distancing themselves from you intentionally, but I try to keep an open mind because I know that this is not always the case.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Veronica M. says:

      Yes, it really does! Yeah, I always try to keep up hope that a person is just experiencing something difficult at the time, though it personally can be very hard for me to do, since I have low self-esteem and tend to just assume they must not want to be around me. I’m so happy to hear that! Though sadly sometimes someone is trying to distance themselves, its reassuring to find out when it was just the circumstances and how someone was feeling at the moment instead. ❤

      Like

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