Do you ever get the sense that when you’re hanging out with someone, even as they nod and smile and answer your questions, they don’t really want you there? They are acknowledging you, but they seem lost in their own world and when they do respond to you it’s only with brief sentences?
Or alternatively, have you ever been at a party or with a group, and it seems like everyone has someone to talk to but you? Everyone’s paired off or in threes and you just get the sense that if you join one of these groups you’d be unwelcome?
And then, you start to feel something you never thought you’d feel when in the presence of others – alone.
Right now I feel this way. I’m at a friend’s house. And my friend…it’s like they’re here but not really. They’re walking around, doing their own thing, talking to their roommates and…not me.
I came here to avoid feeling lonely. But if you feel lonely when not alone, how do you escape these feelings?
I feel like I might cry. I wonder if I should just leave. But then I probably actually would cry, and regret leaving, regret the chance I left behind, the possibility that eventually I might engage in some satisfying interaction. So I’m stuck between wanting to leave and wanting to stay.